i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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