this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
