i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
