so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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