in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
