I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
