So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
