Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
