TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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