well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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