Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So vagazzling was a success
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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