If that was your dad, he is hot
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
