She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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