Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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