Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
