i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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