i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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