I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
