I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize