Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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