You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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