from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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