whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
