Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
