please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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