Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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