I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
