what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
