VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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