OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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