Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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