I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize