I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
