STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
