I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
