I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
