also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
