Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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