Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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