I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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