if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
