i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
