I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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