Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize