What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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