she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
