What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
