come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize