I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
