She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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