Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
