I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
