It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this boner is exhausting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
