i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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