that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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