Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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