That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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