fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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