Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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