Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
