Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
