I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Randomize
