his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
