Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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