He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
