at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
