I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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