i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
