porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
