To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
