You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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