I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize