i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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