that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
