Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I will be naked everywhere
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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